Watching this film is one of those rare times I succumb to watching a movie I don’t know anything about. With the prices of tickets these days, I research the film’s synopsis beforehand so I’d be assuaged I’ll be spending good money for it. But since I won free passes at the recent Cinexpo, I thought what the hell, a movie for free, why not?
Besides, it’s not as if Vicky (let’s call it Vicky to save up on words) is lacking on film credit bankability. For one, it’s written and directed by Woody Allen. And seeing the movie’s poster in Megamall, I thought if Javier Bardem (No Country for Old Men), Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson’s not enough to spur a film buff’s curiosity, then I don’t know what else.
Vicky Cristina Barcelona is not a whole name of a person. Vicky (Rebecca Hall) and Cristina (Scarlett Johansson) are best friends who decide to stay in Barcelona for the summer. At the start of the film, the narrator disclosed that both girls are complete opposites of each other. Serious, practical, finishing her masters on “Catalan identity” and engaged to be married to no-nonsense Doug, Vicky is bordering on being uptight and traditional. Cristina is your typical hopelessly lost girl. She is impulsive and spontaneous and currently recovering from a bad break-up and the embarrassment of writing, directing and starring in a 12-minute love story short film she hates.
But when they meet artistic and charming Antonio, rumored to have had a violent relationship with his ex-wife, the fun and seduction begins. And both girls find themselves in a most unlikely love triangle.
What follows are a series of twists and turns, guaranteed to tickle and to tease. With Juan Antonio, their lives change completely, whether for good or for bad.
The comedy takes a notch higher, when Juan Antonio receives a call from Maria Elena, his ex-wife, asking for help as she tried to commit suicide. Cristina, despite her hesitation, is forced to live with Juan Antonio and Maria Elena under the same roof. Penelope Cruz is a surprising revelation. Her role as a crazy, bordering on demented artist is both convincing and entertaining. In fact, even for a supporting role, her presence in the film is more powerful and memorable than Scarlett’s or Rebecca’s. Which is perhaps why she won the BAFTA Award for Best Actress in a Supporting Role, among other awards.
Vicky is a refreshing, memorable film worth to watch, simply because it’s a complete deviation from the usual rom-com flicks in Hollywood. In my opinion, these formula romantic comedies are getting tiresome and predictable.
For once, a love story revolves around the quirks and ironies of the characters in it, without the usual reactions and card-board portrayals Hollywood flicks give.
Besides, the sizzling scene between Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson is worth the time. Watch it and you’ll agree with me.
Papel, Pangarap at Panulat- part 2.
9 years old ako nung nagtangkang gumawa ng libro. Kumuha ng limang pirasong bond paper, hinati sa kalahati, at ini-stapler sa gitna. Nagsimula akong manggagaya. Sweet Valley din ang pamagat, pareho din ang mga tauhan, pero at least, iba naman ang kuwento. At huwag ka, may kasama pang illustration ‘yun. Ilang mini-books din ang ginawa ko. Grade 3 ako nu’n at bukod sa Nanay ko, isang tao lang ang pinakitaan ko nu’n—yung ate- atehan komg busmate sa St. Paul, si Ate Venus. Bagamat parang kinahig na manok ang sulat at mukhang scare crow na witches ang drowing ko sa Wakefield sisters, tuwang-tuwa si Ate Venus sa mumunting mga kuwento ko. Hanggang sa grumaduate siya ng St.Paul, wala na akong pinakitaan na iba ng mini-books. Hanggang sa tumigil na rin ako sa paggawa. Malamang, nagsawa na sa panggagaya.
Si Mommy, natutuwa lang sa hobby ko. Manunulat din kasi siya. Pero akala lang niya laro-laro lang ang panggagaya ko sa Sweet Valley. Napabilib lang siya nung minsang may pinakita akong kuwento sa kanya na sinulat ko sa yellow pad paper. Hindi na malinaw ngayon kung ano yung saktong isinulat ko. Naaalala ko lang, tungkol siya sa ulap, sa ulan at sa kidlat. Sa kuwentong ‘yun, may dialogue. Naguusap ang tatlo tungkol sa magiging panahon nung araw na ‘yun. Nung nabasa ni Mommy ‘yun, dun niya nasabing baka mana ako sa kanya. At siguro, some day, magiging writer ako. Naks naman, diba?
Kilala niyo ba si Joseng Batute? Siya yung sikat na poet dati. Gumagawa siya ng mga tula tungkol sa pagibig for a fee. Ayos sa raket diba? Yung mga tiyopeng manliligaw na hindi maipadama sa mga irog nila ang kanilang damdamin, kay Joseng Batute humihingi ng saklolo. Singit lang – ang pagkaka-imagine ko kay Joseng Batute nung bata ako, isa siyang tindero ng balot at penoy. Bakit?! Ewan ko nga din eh. Basta ang imahe pumapasok sa utak ko, ‘pag gabi rumoronda siya sa kalye at sumisigaw, “Balooooooo! Penoooooy!” ‘Pag mahina ang benta, uupo siya sa isang sulok at sa ilalim ng ilaw ng lampara, magsusulat siya ng tula. Kumbaga, side line niya ang balot at penoy.
Nung Grade 6, naging Joseng Batute ako. Wala nga lang pera, ni balot o penoy na kasama. Naaalala ko marami akong kaklaseng nagpapagawa ng tula, para ibigay sa crush nila, o kaya sa Nanay nila. Yung iba dinidikit lang sa notebook. Bilang kapalit, binibigyan nila ako ng eraser o kaya chewing gum. Yung mga tula ko, mga simpleng berso in English, na may mga tugma. Mga patweetums. Pero walang kahirap-hirap, nakakasulat ako ng mga tula.
Grade 7 ako nang nagsulat ng maayos na tula tungkol kay Jose Rizal. Ipinasa ko sa History teacher bilang assignment. Isang linggo ang nakalipas, tinawag ako ng titser ko. Iwinasiwas yung tula mukha ko. Ang sabi ba naman, pinagawa mo ba ito? Sabi ko, hindi po, ako nagsulat niyan. Nakakainis, diba?
Mga teachers talaga! Imbes na i-encourage ka pa, at turuan kang ihulma ang natatanging galing, eh pababagsakin ka pa sa lupa. Hindi naman sila lahat ganun. May mga mabubuti ding mga guro. Pero yung mga masasama, hanggang ngayon, hindi ko sila makakalimutan. Gaya na lang ng English teacher ko nung Grade 7. May pa-contest ang RCBC, para sa maiikling kuwento tungkol sa kalikasan. Limang tao lang ang binigyan niya ng entrance forms. Siyempre, yung mga Top 5 sa class ang binigyan nya. Hindi ako kasama doon. Average student lang ako nung grade school. Makaraan ng dalawang linggo, nakaipon ako ng lakas ng loob. Nilapitan ko si Teacher, “Miss, meron pa ba nung form?” Sagot sa akin, “Ay tamang-tama, meron pang isa!” Tuwang-tuwa naman ako. Buong galak kong sinimulan ang aking kuwento. True story siya. Hindi siya tungkol sa global warming, o tungkol sa basura. Tungkol lang siya sa pusa naming si Muning, na naging baliw, na isang araw eh tumalon sa mukha ko at nagiwan ng peklat sa taas ng labi ko. Si Muning na ipinatapon ng Nanay ko. Si Muning na nakita ko at ni Ate na pinaglalaruan sa burak ng mga batang kalye sa Dalia St. Kinupkop namin siya ulit, pinaliguan, pinatawad. Nanatili siyang baliw hanggang sa kaniyang kamatayan.
Araw ng deadline, ipinasa ko ang aking kuwento na naka-seal sa isang short brown envelope. Ito ang catch. Umalis nga ang teacher ko papuntang RCBC, hawak ang mga envelopes ng mga maiikling kuwento.. Puwera sa akin.
(to be continued…)
Papel, Pangarap at Panulat
Nung 5 years old ako, gusto ko maging duktor. Kahit walang kapera-pera si Mami noon, binilhan niya ako ng Doctor’s Kit na mas mahal pa sa sumisirkong Barbie. Bah! Kung magiging duktor ang youngest at dearest daughter niya, kahit pa laruang ospital bibilhin niya!
Pustahan tayo, majority o karamihan sa mga bata ito ang unang nagiging pangarap. Bakit nga ba? Siguro kasi ang mga Pediatrician ang unang Propesyonal na nakikilala natin nung nagkakatrangkaso tayo, nagkakabulutong… O baka… para sa mga magulang nung henerasyon natin (well at least sa henerasyon ko), ang pagiging duktor ang pinaka-marangal na trabaho. Buhay nga naman ang sinasagip nila, kalusugan ng tao ang nakasalalay.
Pero dahil sa isang sikat at kinaa-adikan na libro…naisalba ako mula sa simple at prediktableng buhay ng isang duktor. Anong book ito? Wish ko lang masabi kong Charles Dickens o kaya John Steinbeck para naman mapa-“wooow! Ang deep, pareeeee!” ka. Ang totoo niyan eh…..eh…..urrr…..”The Wakefield sisters were completely identical on the outside, with the same blue green eyes, the same long, sun-streaked air…” Yes…lumaki ako sa isang eskwelahan sa California, kasama sina Amy Sutton, Lila Fowler, Todd Wilkins…sa Sweet Valley High. Mula Twins hanggang sa Junior High, Unicorn Club hanggang sa Sweet Valley University. Hanggang tuluyan ng maging patapon buhay ni Jessica, hanggang sa muntikan nang mamatatay si Elizabeth. Mula horror series to crime detective series.
Nakakahiya man sa kababawan ang librong ‘to (ehem ang binabasa ko na ngayon sina Neil Gaiman, Anne Tyler, Stephen King- mapapawoowparedeep ka na sa’kin), dito ako natuto ng syntax at grammar nang hindi sinasadya. Dito rin nahulma ang imahinasyon ko. At bagamat wala akong gaanong kalaro noon, du’n ko natutunan sa sarili kong paraan na “no one is ever lonely with a book”.
(to be continued….)
- It took letting office mates watch an old, low budget, sexually- themed film to realize why I am HERE in the first place. That exclamation of shock, the burst of laughter-- when you feel that you got someone to feel something that you wanted him/her to feel-- THIS TOOK MY BREATH AWAY. My heart beat. I am hooked. I want more people to feel that way, through something that I'll make.
- I have to remind myself it's difficult not only for us in Production, but also for the Account Managers as well. One of the AEs I am more acquainted with shared she almost cried when the Media Planner talked to her as if she was a "longkatuts" and was so rude to her. I mean, sometimes, I do find AEs irritable and makulit, but I realized they're just caught in the middle. So I have to remind myself these AEs are just doing their jobs, and some of them are really great and talented people.
- Makapal pala talaga ang mukha ko. And though I am self-conscious about my weight lately and my lack of height, well...I think I'm 90 % confident most of the time. I've proven it from attending countless 'sosyal' gatherings and interviewing top executives and celebrities while wearing jeans, sneakers and a plain shirt. ;-)
- Anger, impatience and hotheadedness are THE enemy. And I've got to have anger management lessons soon. For the meantime, it's drinking water and taking deep breaths as subsitutes for the lessons.
- And yeah, if I remain on this job for another year, my blood pressure will go up and suffer heart ailments.
- I love my mom, despite all our differences. We really clash, in all aspects. And she does have the knack for irritating me. BUT I know she loves me. She's a bright woman and I'm proud of her. I wouldn't ask for any mom in the world, not even Angelina Jolie, or an Ayala matriarch (or Vickie Bello! hahhahhahhaha!!!!)
That's it, pansit. (well, for now)
Of hot potatoes, and lazy siestas and a good, fulfilling DVD shopping. I might say I even had more fun that last weekend at the beach.
I hope my good weekend rest will be enough for a tough week ahead. (hayyy... sana hindi na sumakit batok ko, I do believe I have a high blood as early as 25 years of age)
I plan to try to be in touch with Tiudy and my college friends again. I miss them so much.
Oh, and did I forget I finished off Gossip Girl Season 1 in one night and uhmm..'til the morning after. Xo Xo, you know you love me. Hehehehe! Paborito ko si Seren and Dan :-)
Well, this is an exaggeration, I suppose.
It's funny that this kind of incident made me feel like I'm a real media practitioner. Though I'm not in a company as news-worthy and as public service-oriented network like GMA or ABS.
I admit that when I was first presented with the project, I felt a little...well, uneasy. The client, Gran Matador Brandy saw a plug airing on Solar Sports featuring former Olympians like Akiko Thompson, Walter Torres, Onyok, etc and they wanted the same materials to be used for the interstitial.
It was the height of the Olympic-mania in our team. And presented with the project, I shook away all my hesitations and plunged headlong. Sige na, ng matapos na-- this was all in my head.
So, there I rushed the project and came up with a decent one, I guess. I simply tied up the Olympians by saying Gran Matador brandy supports every Filpino's dream. I just had a single revision and it was approved for airing.
Three days after the Olympics started, one of my superiors called me, "Alina, please pull the Gran Ma Interstitial out."
"Why?," I asked.
"Walter Torres is suing us for moral damages!"
I just felt my body freeze. Oh no! Oh no! I breathed deep and I was able to say calmly, "All right, Sir."
It was then that I realized how irresponsible I and my superiors were. Even though it was not a direct endorsement, the product was an alcoholic brand after all!
Also, who gave us the right to use these materials, the names and faces of former and present Olympians to promote these products?
Suddenly, Ms Marichu Lambino's face loomed in front of me. And I remember the film The People vs. Larry Flint.
Lately, I've been having trouble sleeping.
Not even rewinding fantasies and imagining movies can lullaby me to sleep.
--
A week ago, Tuesday morning, I was walking in Ayala Avenue when I passed by this funky girl in native skirt and white thin blouse. She was wearing a pair of sneakers and sporting a backpack. She was walking aimlessly, a smile on her face. I just thought she looked so free-- and i said to myself, "This was the girl I was supposed to be."
Then I looked on a mirror thru a building's glass door and I found my reflection caged inside four lines. I told this girl I was looking at, "Is there something wrong?"
Recently, I grabbed one of my mom's books at random-- Anne Tyler's Back When We Were Grownups. To my surprise, the story's premise is the same as "Dalaga", one of my short film concepts. The premise is simple. The protagonist is Rebecca, a fifty something woman, who one day suddenly tells herself, "I turned into a wrong kind of person." She was a widow, with three stepdaughters. All her life she was devoted to the kids and to the family's business- organizing parties at their sprawling majestic mansion. Until there was nothing left for herself anymore. She didn't even enjoy parties! She journeys to reconstruct her old self, and finds something else, something more in the end. Dalaga's protagonist Lillia is suddenly alive and breathing. She had been in a comma for two and a half years. Now, she's recuperating and if luck is on my side, she'd soon be alive and kicking to continue "her" story.
--
I used to look in the mirror and see this chubby, happy face. Now all I see are streaks of white hair gleaming, pores and worry lines. Must be getting old because of work. But if I cease to worry, I'll cease to care and when I don't care, then there's no point in doing anything, right?
--
I pray for a less lonely life, a freer life. Alina....ilang months na lang...then you can make another one of your Y-shaped or 'fork' choices...and you'll feel better.
--
I bumped into Lovely Day people last Sunday in the Toy Convention in Mega Mall. I just said a quick hi, quick hugs and waved away. I didn't want to hear anything i already knew.
It's the 1st of June. I can hardly believe I survived the past 3 months-- cannot believe it's just been a mere 3 months. Chaos has a way of stretching time. Between crazy work hours, and a haggard workload, adjusting with work mates and being a boss, missing friends, missing important dates, forgetting Sundays, amidst love aches and heart burns-- there wasn't much time to count hours and contemplate time.
But i am very HAPPY to say... it's over. It's finished. The indecision has ceased. I have chosen and re-found my love. And despite the many "tumblings" at work, I am happy now with whatever I am doing. Though things are still very demanding (clients are THE ENEMY, I'm telling you), I am now able to distinguish what is priority from what is not. I learned to close my eyes and ears to the unnecessary and focus my attention and efforts to what is significant. I now know the strengths and weaknesses of work mates, how to help them, when not to help them, how to motivate them (well, I still don't claim to be an expert, but it's a far cry from what I knew since my first day). I no longer dwell on my mistakes, I am now able to stop my tears and know the right time and place to cry. I now know how to smile amidst an aching body and a throbbing head. I find joy in solving problems, in running a smooth Production, in meeting people in shoots, in new and exciting projects, in seeing a job well done from my Producer.
At last, I can say, I am feeling fulfillment in my job.
On June 29, Pacquiao blues strikes again. Though I feel a bit jittery, at least I don't dread it anymore. I know it's going to be easier, albeit more fun. For all the blessings, I thank my Lord. For He is with me every step of the way. I wish to still be a better person-- a better sister, daughter, EP, employee, friend, girlfriend-- a better woman.
Ending up working in a television network is not at all a surprise for me. I think I've voiced out this plan often in college (though my target was in I-Winess) and yeah, college days, I already visualized myself in one.
And after almost 3 years (well, 2 and a half actually) on TV, I can muster up the courage to say, yes, I think I am born a Producer or at least I am well-endowed with the skills to be one.
Producer-- whenever I tell this job to friends who are not in the industry (usually high school friends), they go "Wow!". Because of the word itself, they think it's a big shot job. I just smile, keep quiet, content on not elaborating.
Being a Producer not only means being creative and having visual skills. If you're just creative...period, then you can't last three months. Being a Producer means being a multi-tasker. From shooting with the crew, to supervising graphics and offline and online editing. Being a producer means you are responsible for the material that is being aired. You are what you produce. When graphics is plain or too goth, or when editing is not snappy and catchy enough, it will reflect on the Producer. When a plug or a segment does not beat a deadline, it's your ass that's on the line.
Also, one cannot be Producer without "diskarte" or being street-smart. Kelangan kaya mong magin corporate-like with clients in one second, then down-to-earth and astig with the crew the next. If you don't have a plan B for things, you cannot be a good Producer. Lastly, a good Producer has to love his or her material, otherwise, hindi mo aalagaan ang material mo.
Bilib ako sa mga mahuhusay na Prodyuser. It's hard being one. And sabi nga ng friend ko na nagpasok sa'kin sa Solar, a Producer has a promising career ahead of him/her keysa sa Editor or Graphic Artist. Because being a good Producer shows how well-rounded you are. At mahahasa ka talagang maging problem-solver.
So sa lahat ng mga Producers, saludo ako sa kanilang lahat. Sana may award-giving body rin sa kanila/sa'min. Let there be a Producers' Guild. Harharhar!!!
Stolen from Memoy, who stole this from Emel. Hehehhe...
Hahaha! Next question please...! Let's just say, irreconcilable differences. ;-)
2. Are you usually the heart breaker or the heart broken?
definitely heart-broken...but recently, seems i can be the former
3. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
my favorite junk food- OKEJI tempura snack! Madaming laman :)
4. Name a quote from the song you are listening to?
No music right now, just noise--- ~%^!&!*!(!(!*!&*!
5. How is life going for you right now?
Oh my, not good. Not good. It's chaotic.
6. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?
Nope! I'm too honest and I react easily, which are some of my weaknesses, I think.
7. Who was the last person to comment on you?
Rory, who sent me hugs....<HUUUUUUGGGG>
8. Regret(s)?
I regret some of the wrong moves I've done sa office. I pray it's not too late to fix.
10. What was the first thing you said when you woke up today?
(TO MY PAMANGKIN ANDENG): "Hello baby!!!"
11. Do you have a best friend?
Yes I do. Si Tiudy! We're complete opposites, as in no other thing in common...other than we live, like, two villages away....somehow, we're still good friends...one of the things I still cannot explain...
12. Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them?
Meron! Madami! Example na lang yung dati kong team mates sa prime shift....
13. What do you think of people who have sex before marriage?
Hmm...normal...
14. Do you own a pair of green pants?
Yup! Nabili ko sa ukay sa Tagaytay, kaya lang nasira yung botones....:(
15. Ever had the preferred sex over when no one was home?
Uhm...di ko gets....englighten me, anyone?? :) Hehe!
16. Do you believe that what comes around goes around?
Yes I do. Ako ang taong mabilis ang karma....as in....
17. What is your favorite fruit?
Bananas :)
18. What is the last song to make you cry?
Yung kanta ng Beatles...."Till there was You" Nata-touch ako...
19. Is your best friend pretty?
Yes of course! Birds of the same feather....hehehhehe!!!!
20. Have you ever passed out?
Surprisingly, no.
21. Do you trust people easily?
No.
22. When was the last time you puked?
Hmm...nung naginuman kami ng C/S team sa Meat Shop...tinira namin Empoy at Beer! Ang weird dun, next day pa ako sumuka! On the way to work! Tinabi ng Kuya ko yung kotse sa talahiban...wahahhahah
23. What's the thing that always gets you through the day?
the thing? hmm...i guess yung makapagdasal ako, makausap ko si Lord, and kahet a smile or two from a stranger
24. Who do you miss?
I miss my friends in Solar Antipolo
25. Do you give out second chances too easily?
I do. kasi i'm the type who always need one.
26. Where was your last car ride to and from?
From Makati to pasig
27. Where is one place you want to visit?
baguio ;-)
28. Do you like hugs or do you freak when people hug you?
I love hugs....sobra...i'm a hug person hehe
29. Had plans and broke them?
A lot! I tend to bend and twist left and right easily.
30. Do you eat steak?
Yup! But it's not my fave food. I like mashed potatoes better
31. How are you feeling?
Worried, sad...down...:((
Keeps nagging me, I might not be ready.
Baka masiyado pang maaga...
I was a Researcher-Writer in GMA for 9 months, a plug Producer for Solar for about 1 and a half years. And suddenly, I am tasked to handle 7 Producers and 2 Production Assistants for Solar's Premium team.
Ako na walang idea how to be a boss! Na very limited lang ang experience sa Premiums... I am suddenly hurled in a corporate-production setting, where I'll be handling all premiums of both Sports and Entertainment, in all 6 channels!
Ako na ang tanging experience sa pagiging leader ay sa Student Council at sa isang Film Organization. Wala akong alam sa pag-handle ng mga tao! Lalo na ang mga taong iha-handle ko ay halos ka-edad ko lang o mas matanda pa sakin, and worse, mas matagal na sa Solar sa'kin.
Minsan, nakakapangsisi. Masaya na kasi ako sa pagiging Producer...I found so much fufillment in writing witty copies and seeing my plugs on air. Kumpleto na ang araw ko pag may pumuri ng plug ko, anumang aspeto.
When I decided to take the EP position finally, it was because the opportunity knocked for the third time. And I was afraid..baka hindi na dumatin ulit ang opportunity and in 2, 3 years, baka mag-look back ako at sabihin sa sarili ko, "sayang, if only I accepted it then...."
And true enough, hindi pa talaga ako handa. I was barely two weeks sa position, Pacquiao event agad ang sumalubong sa'kin.
The first week, a former orgmate (who wanted the position), and a friend of mine, wasn't even talking to me. Ang hirap kasi under ko siya, at we need to work together despite her resentment. The second week, hindi ko kinaya ang pressure, may lagnat at sore throat ako from monday to friday. I just ignored the sickness, believing it will go away if I forgot about it. Saturday, bumigay katawan ko-- sobrang taas temperature ko and I was having chills. I felt so bad that I had to go home, na hindi ko makasama yung team ko.
The next day, Sunday was the live boxing event. Though hindi pa ako magaling, pinilit ko pumasok. Ang hirap kasi I was so lost...hindi ko pa talaga kabisado yung work and yung taong pinalitan ko wasn't even there to guide me. What's worse, on the day of the coverage, binastos ako at dinabugan ng isa sa mga tao ko. Hindi ko talaga natiis, I flared up doon sa loob ng TOC, in front of other people.
When I went home last Sunday, napahagulgol talaga ako...out of physical exhaustion, out of frustration, out of hurt...
Ang hirap-hirap, ang sakit....I'm just doing my best, tapos eto pa nangyari sakin.
kaya I cant help think maybe I'm not yet ready. Definitely, I know the Production side of things. But handling people, coping with too much stress-- I don't know.
I keep praying and praying "Lord, hope today will be a better work day than yesterday."
I've sacrificed so much-- yung comfort zone ko sa work, friends ko in Antipolo, yung nae-enjoy kong prestige of being considered a good Producer, yung happiness ko of making plugs.
I sacrficed them kasi I thought worth it ang lahat para sa experience.
Sana maging matatag ako. At sana, matutunan ko kung paano maging mabuti at magaling na EP.
parang molecules ng isang gas matter...umiikot-ikot, pilit na tumitiwalag, kumakawala, nagwawala...
bakit? bakit? bakit kasi? bakit kailangan...?
hindi ako handa sa mga ganitong desisyon..simple lang ang pangarap ko sa buhay alam niyo 'yun
bakit kailangan pumili? bakit kailangang iwan? bakit nakaka-miss? bakit ako nasasaktan?
bakit ko pa nalaman? bakit ngayon niyo lang sinabi? bakit ako pa? paano ko malalaman ang katotohanan?
mahal na mahal kita. mahal na mahal. buhay ko, BUONG BUHAY KO-- ikaw na yun.
TAYO na ang iniisip ko..pero bakit ganun? ginawa ko ang lahat. mahal na mahal kita. saan ako nagkulang? saan ako nagkamali?
With one syllable, its seems like a small word. Harmless, seemingly meek.
But though it's small, it leaves a tiny puncture. A tiny hole that slowly sucks the life out of you.
It's small, but terrible. A devious, cunning thing.
Sometimes, you see it. Sometimes, you don't.
And just when you needed proof for the doubt, it disappears like a wishing feather you briefly saw. And the least you expect it to bite, it washes over you like a cold wave of ice.
Oh, God, I hope I don't doubt.
I rarely answer surveys. Mapa-LJ man o Friendster o sa email. Pero di ko to mapapalagpas...UP Survey eh! hehehe!
1. Student number?
01-17381
2. College?
UP College of Mass Communications
3. Course?
Batsilyer sa Pelikula at Audyo-Biswal na Sining
4. Nag-shift ka ba o na-kickout?
Nope! Pero second choice ko lang ang film nu'n..BS Psych ang 1st choice ko-- hindi ako nakapasok. Tapos ang plano talaga, pag pumasa ako film, magshishift ako sa Broadcomm (na magandang i-pre-law daw!) kasi mahal masyado ang Film. Hindi na ko nakaalis eh..nailnlove na ko sa course at sa mga utaw. (heehee,,,blush)
5. Saan ka kumuha ng UPCAT?
Sa Malcolm Hall. Alala ko pa hirit nila Ma, it's a good sign daw, baka makapasa sa UP Law ang bunso nila. Hehehe.
6. Favorite GE subject?
Na-enjoy ko yung Comm 1, Comm 3 ko, at Comm 100 ko, STS, Soc.sci 1...tsaka Intsik II!
7. Favorite PE?
Table tennis! Kasama ko pa si aina dun. at feeling ko, magaling naman ako. ehehhe!
8. Saan ka nag-aabang ng hot guy sa UP?
Saan? Everywhere! Hehehe! sa masscomm, wala namang hot guys dun. kaya sa AS ako tumtingin, sa mga kaklase sa GE subjects...
9. Favorite prof(s)
Sir Velasco, Sir Tiongson, Sir Varona, Kate Mirandilla, Ma'am Orillos, yung teacher ko sa Comm 3- si Ms. Tungcuatco ata, Si Farah Cunanan- teacher ko sa Chinese, ang daming pinagawa, at puro quiz! dapat lagi kang handa! pero at least natuto ako...:)
10. Pinaka-ayaw na GE subject.
Math I, siyempre!
11. Kumuha ka ba ng Wed or Sat classes?
Wed meron. Sat meron din. medyo malas ako schedules eh. hehe. won't forget my CW 100 class with Ms. Marah Lanot, Sabado yun, tas around 10 lang kami sa class. Isa rin sa mga Sabado na yun, nakita ko si Sam sa may bandang lib, habang nakasakay ako dyip.
12. Nakapag-field trip ka ba?
yes o yes! sa Hum 1 ata o 2..pumunta kami sa Quezon. Grabe la ako friends nun sa class kaya medyo afraid ako sa fieldtrip kasi ala ako kasama, buti na lang sa alodia sa kabilang class pala ng prof ko din...kami nagpartners nung field trip kaya happiness! sa Intsik 1, pumunta kami sa China town- kumain ng chinese food at pumunta sa temple. Nung 1st year din, nagfieldtrip ako sa recruitment field trip ng BroadAss-- sa RX radio station, sa Inquirer. :)
13. Naging CS ka na ba or US sa UP?
Yes, nag-graduate ako with honors. medyo adik kasi ako sa acads nun eh.
14. Ano ang Org/Frat/Soro mo?
UP CAST, UP UGAT, UP MCO
15. Saan ka tumatambay palagi?
1st year, sa LIB ako at sa CASAA. tapos pagtagal sa tambayan na ng CAST at student council---paborito ko matulog dito kasi ala parati tao. hehheheh. sa UP Ugat tambayan din masaya, loka-loka mga tao
16. Dorm, Boarding house, o Bahay?
uwian! boring :( i always wanted na nagdorm/boarding house
17. Kung walang UPCAT test at malaya kang
nakapili ng kurso mo sa UP, ano yun (Given ang
mentality mo nung HS ka)?
Film pa din, o Journalism or Broadcomm.
18. Sino ang pinaka-una mong nakilala sa UP?
Si Aina..nakilala ko siya nung enrollment pa lang sa UP ISSI
19. First play na napanood mo sa UP?
Kabuki ata...hehe. ndi ako maxado mahilig
20. Name the 5 most conyo orgs in UP
top 5? I'll try ha..siyempre JMA, JPIA, mga sororities siguro...
21. Name 5 of the coolest orgs/frats/soro in UP.
UGAT tsaka CAST- top 2! hehe
22. May frat/soro bang nag-recruit sa yo?
meron..care of friend ni malyn. ndi ako tumuloy..sayang sa oras
23. Saan ka madalas mag-lunch?
sa CASAA of course, s Shopping center. pero pagtagal nung 3rd at 4th na, sa masscomm at music canteen
24. Masaya ba sa UP?
Of courrzzz! walang kapantay na kasiyahan ang maging UP student...makulay ang buhay
25. Nakasama ka na ba sa rally?
oo..papuntang fairview pa yun. naglakad kami pabalik from ever commonwealth to masscom..wala na kong paa after.
26. Ilang beses ka bumoto sa Student Council
nung 2nd to 4th year lang ako
27. Name at least 5 leftist groups in UP
Stand UP, anakbayan, gabriela
28. Pinangarap mo rin bang mag-laude nung
freshman ka?
hindi...heheh. pero nung tsumamba ako ng isa, ayun nagtuloy-tuloy na
29. Kanino ka pinaka-patay sa UP?
ay siyempre, si photo LAB boy. hehe. at nung 4th year, si uncle, na bf ko na ngaun.
30. Kung di ka UP, anong school ka?
Hindi puwede! UP lang dapat! hehe. hindi, malamang magmiriam ako tas after a year, i wouldve transferred sa UP..madali lang naman daw eh.
MALIGAYANG IKA-100 TAON, MGA ISKOLAR NG BAYAN!
Quivering jelly throbbing inside my chest. It's been awhile since I felt this way. Perhaps the last time was during a big crisis at work, and the second to the last was when I broke up with Sam.
Last week, I had to rest from work for two days because of flu. Sam met with his ex Friday night. When he informed me days before that of the arrangement, I really didn't mind. But that Friday, when the clock struck seven, their meeting time, something clicked inside me. I was jealous. No, outrageously jealous. A possessive-like jealousy took hold of me, the kind that overshadowed my flu.
If I were a wild beast or animal, I felt as if I had already spread my urine or smell over a certain area and an innate instinct told me to guard my territory carefully. If I were a military officer, I'd have secluded the war zone, commanded my men to surround the area, and target the enemy. And I'd have gladly accomplished the dirty work myself.
And it took a lot of breath and depth not to pick up a fight with Sam when I found out he was lost somewhere in West Avenue. And why? Because he rode an SM North bus with the girl, even though it's out of his way, maybe out of courtesy or to keep her safe I guess, which I think is completely unnecessary! I know Sam. He's a good guy, but he's no chivalrous gentleman. It’s special treatment, believe me!
The next day, he visited me and we spent the whole day together. I tried to wave it all away by asking questions, how their "date" was, smiling at all the right cues and punctuations. I even pretended her asking about me was actually cute. That went well, I thought. Case closed.
But then here comes another story of his about an office mate seeing them together. After I tell you what the office mate said, tell me if over-acting. Blame me if I'm being irrational. Comments are very much welcome.
Well apparently, the new employee made “tsismis” to a co-employee, who was a bit close to Sam. The latter asked, “Anong itsura? Chubby at maputi ba?” The former shook her head, “Hindi eh. Payat. Na maganda.” The co-employee deduced thus it wasn’t me. Sam further narrated his male officemates are now calling him “chick boy.”
Writing about this now, it seems mababaw. But who can blame me for feeling this way? She’s been meeting this girl regularly (yuck parang dental appointments!). And this is the same girl who he was supposed to get back with two and a half years ago, around the same time we started liking each other. This was my ultimate rival. The girl who I played seesaw with, while Sam was the bone-headed fulcrum, or tug-of-war if it’s more visual. And yes, yes, yes, I know I won the game. But games of love are not like basketball games that come in seasons. It’s a life-long game, that can make or break you.
Ang sabi ko nga kay Hazel (my officemate-friend), if I could lessen the threat, I would! But it’s not that simple with Sam. He has his own mind.
Haze also pointed out it would be easier if the girl has a boyfriend already. But she doesn’t.
I don’t know! Maybe I’m just insecure, immature. Call me paranoid.
I trust Sam. I really do. But I don’t trust HER. I don’t know her! I’ve tried to abide by the principle, “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.” But it’s hard! We just don’t have anything in common. I tried reaching out thru friendster, to no avail.
I don’t trust her, and I don’t trust THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF LIFE. She is his confidante. In fact, he even “consulted” with her during our pregnancy crisis. What will happen if later in life, Sam and I have a full-blown fight. The kind that explodes. And he comes to her to give him good old friendly advice. And what if, at that moment, she has personal problems of her own and needs good old comfort hugs, then she ends up giving sam MORE than a good old friendly advice. An accident will happen—BAM! That’s the sound of irreparable disaster.
Is this too far-fetched? I don’t think so! It happens EVERY DAY. A guy cheats every day the same as what stats say about the country's mortality and fertility rate. And if I can conduct a nationwide survey, I’d say 3 out of 10 cheating bastards do it with their exes.
Isang MALAKING HAAAAYYYYYYY….!!!
I really don’t know what to do. Ayokong mag-impose, ayokong palakihin. But definitely, I won’t let this one slip away.
Now I know why jelly is the short cut to the word jealousy (well, other than the similarity with the 1st syllable). Because literally, when a woman is jealous, she feels a jelly quivering in her chest, which passes through a jelly tube connected to the eyes, which then emits sticky tears, that flows in an awkward kind of way.
--
Foreshadowing. For me, this is like the alter-ego of Flashback. But instead of going back in time, this gives a person a glimpse of the next second, minute, hour, months, years, or even the after-life.
A week before the Holidays, i was struck with a foreshadowing of my future- what my life will be if it so happens that I am actually pregnant.
My suspicion was not without basis. I have a regular menstrual cycle ever since I got rid of my hormonal problem. Plus, my boyfriend and I haven't actually been on the safe side. That week, I was almost two weeks delayed, which caused me several sleepless nights and crying spells.
Because either I am stupid or a masochist, I was afraid to take the test, and I decided to delay it after Christmas, for fear I'd spoil it for myself and my family.
And, for some reason, I was just convinced that I was pregnant. Immediately, I dropped all plans of studying again and leaving Solar. I told Sam I will not live in our parents' houses even if we were desperate. We will support ourselves no matter what (I discovered ma-pride pala ako..heheh!) I was ready to work in a call center just to have a bigger income. Inisip ko din, mas okay kung baligtad ang shifts namin so we can alternate in taking care of the baby.
Of course, initially, I thought of my family-- especially my eldest brother, how they would react to this. Lalung-lalo na kasi kakapanganak lang ni Andrea, yung anak ni Kuya Adrian. And I've seen how they've suffered. How they have to depend on mommy for milk, depend on me for Drea's clothes and baby wipes, how their meager earnings was just enough to buy a new bed and a crib. I knew my family would think of my pregnancy as a crisis. I also thought of running away -- I didn't want them to see me big with baby, poor, needy and dependent, when I could've had a better life if I was just darned careful.
I thought of all these, when finally I decided to take a leave from work and take a pregnancy exam. Grabe, my hand was shaking like crazy while using the dropper! I kept praying and crying, "Lord, hindi pa talaga ako handa. Please not now...please give me another chance."
I would never forget the suspense, the way time seemed exagerrated, as if stretched, and my heart was pounding so fast, as I waited for the result. 'Pag two lines, positive. Pag one line, negative. I stared at the exam..slowly, umaakyat yung liquid..one purple line formed. Patuloy yung pag-akyat ng liquid...I kept wishing there won't be a second line....no second purple line! Napa-luhod ako sa banyo, at napaiyak. Yes, hindi ako buntis!!!
That day, I texted with Emel and she recommended I go to this clinic in Philcoa to take a more accurate test. They had the same negative result. I was so thankful. Kundi rin dahil sa support at tulong ni Emel, Malyn at Jaja, I wouldn't have gone through the ordeal.
Sabi ko nga kay Emel, "Sayang Mare, di pala tayo magkakasabay. Ako na lang mag-oorganize ng baby shower niyo ni Sah."
Even if it was false alarm, the incident taught me a lot of things. I have to straighten out my life, give it direction, save up, magtiyaga, be mature, kasi we never know what God has in store for us the next day eh, be it a new baby, a family, a new challenge/hurdle sa buhay.
And it also made my relationship with my boyfriend stronger. He was very supportive and loving. After the incident, he wrote me a letter, "...sabi ko nga, it made me want to be with you more. Hindi ako natakot kasi alam ko ikaw ang makakasama ko..."
I remember an exchange of texts we had, which I find funny now, but it's all so true.
S: "By, you think we can handle a baby?"
A: "Sa tingin ko, yes. May pinag-aralan naman tayo, may trabaho..kelangan lang natin mas magsipag pa lalo.."
I guess those two tumultuous weeks made me re-think, re-consider my life, na I realize now, what He gave me to help me with my decisions.
I wanted to say, what I mean is, at this point in my life, I want to stop for a while. I want to go to a "between" place, neither up nor down. I can never ba that down, you know, I can never go crazy, or least of all, irresponsible. That's just not me. What I'm trying to say is, I want to just....drop by a stop-over and rest for a while, and just watch the race go by. No, I'm not weak. But I'm not strong either. I'm still the hard-working girl you know. And no, you haven't done anything wrong raising me. You taught me well.
I don't know, Ma, I know this is a really bad time to be confused and all that. And you'll go on with your usual speech about how I'm intelligent and talanted. But you know, I haven't given up. I'm just confused, that's all.
I'm so confused I want to drop everything, and I want to be everything. But somehow, my heart and mind is struggling. My mind says I'm not good enough, I'm not whole. My heart says I am good, it is pure, an it knows how to love, and that is enough.
But since I couldn't get myself to explain all these, I just said, "I'm just tired". I swallowed my sorrow and pretended I was looking forward to tomorrow.
This is the plot of Anne Tyler's novel entitled The Accidental Tourist. She's so good! She writes about quirky characters, who are definitely not cardboard. Her prose is generally light and feel- good. But bit b y bit, she manages to tug at your heart, the reader ending up laughing and crying at the same time.
Another Anne Tyler book I've read is PatchWork Planet. The protagonist is Barnaby Gaitlin. He is an ex-con, imprisoned for theft, divorced, living in a basement a family rented out for him, a college drop-out. A real loser. For his living, he works as a house help for Rent-a-Back, Inc. They provide service for people who are disabled or old. The novel shows how drop-dead loser can actually be a loving man who's just finding his place in the world.
So if anyone's up for reading novels this coming holiday, I recommend Anne Tyler. Light reading, but the stories are carefully woven, and her characters are just too quirky, too real and hateful and adorable at the same time, you won't be able to put the book down.
And there is nothing inherently wrong with this. It's about time that I learn to be independent and to have a rational mind.
Dahil uber stressed ako lately, I found a way to relax myself for a while. And when I'm not researching something for work in the internet, I like looking at horoscopes and meanings of dreams. It's actually fun! Hehehe!
Last January or February, I had a recurring dream of a mouse. In my dream, I was just seeing this rat running away-- from what, I do not know. Anyway, I googled it and this is what I found.
Mouse:
1. In British mythology, the mouse is usually portrayed as weak and timid, but blessed with compensatory traits of intelligence, compassion, and resourcefulness. Dreaming of a mouse, therefore, portends a situation in which the dreamer will be able to turn a weakness into a strength, a disadvantage into an advantage - and thus escape any negative consequences.
2. Being frightened by a mouse signifies social embarrassment coming up, and if the dreamer wants to avoid it, he or she can look to other symbols in the dream.
3. Mice scurrying around freely, wreaking havoc in their surroundings, indicate family squabbles ahead.
4. Seeing a mouse being chased by a cat is a warning not to let others interfere in your affair.It was kinda interesting. Medyo tumama ang number one and three.
Anyway, for a change, I looked for the meaning of my name and my boyfriend's and these are what I found.
Alina- The girl's name Alina \a-li-na\ is of Greek origin, and its meaning is "light". Slavic variant of Helen. Also variant of Aline, nickname of Adelina, or may derive from Arabic for "noble, illustrious". In Scotland, the name has been used as a feminine form of Alistair; The name Alina is a baby girl name. The name Alina comes from the Irish origin. In Irish The meaning of the name Alina is: Beautiful.
Tristram- The boy's name Tristram \t-rist-ram, tr(is)-tram\ is a variant of Tristan. The boy's and girl's name Tristan \t-ris-tan, tr(i)-stan\ is pronounced TRISS-tan. It is of Celtic origin. From a Celtic name. In Arthurian legend, Tristan (sometimes called Tristram) was a Knight of the Round Table and the tragic hero of the medieval tale "Tristan and Isolde". The tale has been retold in many poems and operas. This ancient name may derive from a Pictish original, Drostan, but the form was probably influenced by the French term "triste", meaning "sad". The name is popular in Spain.; Celtic and Sorrowful.
I like my name, I wish I can give its meaning justice soon, some day ( some day is lately getting sooner, so soon....I want to stop it!) Hmmm..about Sam's real name, he told me his Dad picked Tristram from a favorite comic book. But he definitely is not sorrowful...or maybe he is...with me? Wahahaaha!
Ack. My back hurts. Goodbye for now.
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